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- Be careful about criticizing your in-laws; most spouses will
defend their own family even if they agree with the criticism.
- Never stop dating. It's what couples do to fall in love,
and it's unfortunately what too many couples stop doing when
they get married.
- When you have a problem with your spouse, look in the mirror
first! Look for how you might be contributing to things going
poorly.
- It's always easier to change your attitude or behavior than
it is to change your spouse.
- Try calling "time out" when an argument
starts to get out of control. Take a break and pick back
up when you both have had time to calm down.
- Most married people crave more appreciation than they receive
from their partners. Tell your spouse what you like and admire
about her or him; these words will go a long way.
- Don't mind read. When talking to your partner don't assume
you know the thoughts or feelings behind the words; let your
spouse tell you.
- Don't try to solve a problem before you each understand each
other. These premature solutions rarely work.
- Listen to what your partner is saying, even if the way it
is said bothers you.
- How you begin a conversation usually determines how it ends.
If you need to have a difficult conversation with your spouse,
start off the conversation with something positive.
- Remember that all couples will have problems; it's how you
handle them that determines your happiness in your marriage.
- Find 15 minutes a day to give your partner your full
attention — turn
off the TV, put away the newspaper, and make sure your kids
are occupied elsewhere.
- Every couple has a few problems that never go away. Happily
married couples learn to accept this fact.
- Learn to see the difference between normal marriage problems
and truly unacceptable ones, such as violence and abuse.
- Make a big deal of your wedding anniversary. Treat it like
the birthday of your marriage.
- Everyday make sure to look them in the eye tell them some
of the following:
“I choose you!”
“I love you.”
“I’m grateful for you.”
“I’m sorry for .”
“I appreciated it when you .”
- Take a moment and reflect on ways they anticipate
your needs. Let
them know you noticed, and you are grateful.
- Remember to use touch to tell them without words,
that they are on your mind and heart. According to
Dr. Daniel Amen, touch stimulates the limbic system in the
brain, which is responsible for bonding.
- Dr William Doherty says that rituals like saying
goodbye or greeting one another weave the fabric of a relationship
more deeply together. Be aware and intentional about
how you deal with these. Make them special. Dr.
Amen agrees and says this also stimulates the limbic system
in the brain!
- The more emphatic you want to be when you are making
your point during a heated interaction (we call this an argument!),
the more you want to say it softly. When you talk softly
they have to get quieter to hear you!
- If you are a male, realize that 97% of men struggle
with lust and/or pornography; and the other 3% lie about
it! (Note:
47% of all statistics in the Tips are fabricated!!) Tell another
man your struggles and get some accountability before it consumes
you. If you think she can handle it, tell your partner
about your struggle and ask her to check with you periodically
about it. Team up against the problem!
- When you choose a potential partner, beforehand make
sure the partner they are choosing (you) has developed character
and integrity. A hot bod’ and a smooth smile are
easy on the eyes, but they can’t get you through the
hard times.
- Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. Talk
about problems or hurts quickly (within 24 hours) or they
will fester and grow into bitterness.
- Men – it’s courageous and strong to lead by example
and say “I’m sorry” first. What you
want to see and hear from her, model it for her and let your
example, not your decibel level be your best teacher!
- Hint – Don’t spend the better part of the day
and the evening of your 26th anniversary writing Tips! You
may not see your 27th.
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